Narcissistic Abuse Survival

There was a post a wrote a while back about a narcissist and their flying monkeys. Often, I refer to anyone who believes a narcissist’s lies, and shuns the narcissist’s victim, as one of their flying monkeys. Sly probably has more flying monkeys than dollars in the bank… and he makes very good money.

A narcissist has an image to uphold. They have to be exceptionally successful, charismatic, attractive, confident, and most importantly, superior to others. Even though most of these are usually never true, a narcissist will believe these things about themselves. That’s why they are considered sociopaths. They have a false sense of themselves and an overly exaggerated sense of self worth.

Looking back over the years, I have memories of Sly saying things about other people. He believed he was better than them. I’ve written about them before in this blog. There was once we went to a Bon Jovi concert and throughout the concert he’d say horrible, weight related things about the girls in front of us. He’d talk about how old and decrepit the elderly were in Wal-Mart when we’d have to walk behind them. He’d even say things about my brother’s wife or my uncle that they were white trash because they lived in a mobile home. My own mother was beneath him as well as she constantly nagged my father and was extremely slow, according to Sly. They’re all part of Sly’s flying monkey club now. Even as bad as he spoke about people, I never said a word to them. Goes to show that a narcissist can be a smooth talker, especially when they need their flying monkeys on their side.

They are master manipulators, having everyone brainwashed into thinking that they are the best thing in the whole world. I used to be one of those people in the beginning, many years ago. But, there are those of us who are not like everyone else. There comes a point when you can see past the bullshit, and you can see them for exactly who they are. I often ask myself why I’m the only person who can see it. Well, there are a few others – because they’ve experienced it, or they read the messages. A narcissist’s façade is not real… it is all there to hide their underlying issues and self-centeredness. They are the fakest of the fake.

However true all of the above is, Sly will always show me his true colors. The gaslighting will never end though. That’s why he keeps his flying monkeys very far away from me, and they only know what he tells them. They’ve never seen a message or email from either of us to the other. They have no idea what is really said or done.

So, I got a little off track with the above… I wanted to write about a couple of things as far as Sly’s image is concerned and what’s happened lately since I last wrote.

First, Chloe had a birthday earlier this month where Jake and I surprised her with a trip out of state. Sly knew where we were going, and somehow didn’t blow the surprise… but I don’t think he really read the details either. We flew out on Chloe’s actual birthday, and at some point Sly sent her a text telling her to call him later when she had time. Not a “happy birthday” or anything. Later that night Chloe opted to call him, and wanted to do it on speaker phone where Jake and I could hear her call, even though I gave her the option to go in the other room. It was her choice. He did say “happy birthday” to her, but also didn’t ask her how her day was or anything else about her birthday. He went on to tell her if she could watch TV the next night because him and his girlfriend were going to the local hockey game and they’d probably be on TV. So, first, he knows how much she likes going to these games. Second, he didn’t even ask her about HER. This is all about his image. Even to his daughter he needs to make it out that he is superior. The hockey game was more important than her birthday, or anything that we were doing with her for her birthday. The call was soon over, and Chloe was upset. Sly must always “one up” me on everything, and must try and show Chloe that he is the superior parent. He does this on everything… In the particular situation, he was trying to show Chloe that the hockey game was more important, and to prove to her that it was better than anything we were doing.

In my last post I wrote about Chloe’s upset tummy. Well, it’s happened a few more times since that first time in October. It only happens on the days that she’s with Sly. She’s been in counseling, and she has been diagnosed with moderate anxiety, as well as mild depression. Her upset tummy, or stomach aches are from her anxiety. Per my request the therapist sent the diagnosis to Chloe’s pediatrician as well as to Sly. This next part is what will never make sense to me… Even though Sly has the actual diagnoses, he refuses to believe it and will not acknowledge it to be true. He refuses to be active in any therapy sessions she has, but instead will cancel them if he can. Why would he do this you ask? Well, a narcissist doesn’t want anyone to know that their child could have a mental health issue because that means that something they created isn’t “perfect”. Aside from that, he knows he’s wreaking havoc on Chloe and he doesn’t want anyone else to see this in her… the way my therapist saw it in me. He is doing everything to her that he did to me all those years. I’ll write about this periodically and I’ll let you know how all of this plays out.

Yesterday while I was at urgent care myself for an injury, I got a notification through an app that Chloe was at a different urgent care. No messages from Sly, no calls from Chloe. Side note: Sly doesn’t allow Chloe to have her phone unless I’m picking her up that day, and certainly doesn’t allow her to charge it or keep it on her. The app is part of the MyChart software that many doctors’ offices use. When I was done at my appointment, I called the other urgent care and after I gave them information, they were able to confirm that Chloe was there. Another side note: and I’ve written about this before, that Chloe is constantly suffering from upper respiratory symptoms after she’s been with Sly for more than two days. Sly took her to urgent care because she complained of yet, another tummy ache and she had a runny nose. He also had her subjected to a flu test and a covid test, for no reason. This is the very first time that Sly has ever taken Chloe to the doctor for anything. Her “illness”, if that’s what you want to call it, did not warrant a visit to the doctor, much less urgent care. I did drive to the location where they were, and they were leaving the building as I arrived. I asked Sly “were you not going to tell me that you took her to urgent care?”. He replied “if it was anything serious, I’d have my mother contact you.”. Well, isn’t urgent care because it’s…urgent? I reminded him of the parenting app, and he responded with he doesn’t have it on his phone… well, that’s his neglect not mine. I also reminded him of his not allowing Chloe to use her phone, and he responded with “you only bought her the phone so you can spy on her and track her.” He then asked Chloe in a snarky manner “where is your phone anyway?”. She looked down, and said it was on the charger at home. He blamed her for something he doesn’t allow her to have. Before I received the doctor summary and notes, I asked Sly what was wrong and so bad that he had to take her to urgent care. He proceeded to tell me about the stomach ache and a runny nose. He also claimed that the doctor told him to administer Tylenol every 4-6 hours for her stomach ache and to give cold medicine. Well, none of this was accurate. She doesn’t have a cold, just a runny nose, which is typical when she’s at Sly’s house. The summary just said to take Tylenol every 4-6 hours IF A FEVER DEVELOPS, and to take cough drops if she develops a cough.

With all of that being said, knowing Sly has never taken her to the doctor a day in her 9 years, and knowing that he recently received her diagnosis but refuses to believe it… what would you say the real, underlying reason he took her to urgent care?

I’ve been around Sly long enough, and I know his tactics. First, he’s trying to prove that he’s a good parent because he took her to the doctor for once. Second, he’s trying to prove that her runny nose isn’t because of his house… He actually told the doctor that her runny nose started one week before when she was still with me. So, it makes no sense. Third, and most importantly, he’s trying to get some sort of proof in writing that her stomach aches are not due to anxiety. After the appointment, I have all of the doctor’s notes and summary, along with his statements to the doctor. Unfortunately for him, his tactics didn’t work this time, and nothing got proven. In this situation, as well as many others, he’s only hurting Chloe.

Narcissists will stop at absolutely nothing to prove they are the superior person. They do not care who they hurt in the process, because as we all know they are incapable of love.

If you ever find yourself in any relationship where someone is acting like this, please pay close attention. It doesn’t just end or stop. Also, if you’ve experienced this sort of behavior drop a comment, I’d like to know. And always remember, there is support and help out there if you’re a victim or survivor of narcissistic abuse. But, let’s talk and support each other as well. You’re not alone.