Narcissistic Abuse Survival

Such a broad title for what I really want to discuss today. I’ve written a lot about what a narcissist is, the characteristics and the things to look for.

There are a couple of things I want to discuss here today. The first one is why it is usually only the victim that eventually sees a narcissist for who they really are, and why everyone else thinks they’re a saint. The second thing came to mind after a video I watched yesterday about something not entirely related. Usually abused people, or victims, can abuse others… So, in this case, if a narcissist was abused earlier in life and is now portraying that onto someone else, does it still make them a narcissist?

I saw the below image on social media, and I thought it would be a good topic to write about. I’ve made some posts in the past about this, stemming from my own personal experiences with Sly and his flying monkeys, but I think its beneficial to everyone else if I also write about this in a more generalized way. So, let’s talk about it… And as always feel free to leave comments, or ask questions.

There’s a lot going on within these words. It is true that a narcissist will completely neglect their partner in so many ways. Most victims will tell you that they have experienced neglect physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, and mentally to name a few. Narcissists condition their victims over time to think this abuse is normal. But, they usually only do it to one or two people. Why? I believe it is simply for control. They want to control you and everything you do. Control for them is empowering, and taking things away from their victims and neglecting them gives them the hierarchy feel they so desperately desire. They have to be better than us…They have to be better than everyone.

But that raises the question of why are they so nice and giving to everyone else? Those of you who are victims, I challenge you to think back. Think about the times you asked the narcissist for help, and what they said? Did they just ignore you, or maybe tell you no? But friends and family ask for help, and they’re out the door before you can even blink. This is simply for the fact that they have an image to uphold. A narcissist has to make everyone else think that they are a genuinely good person.

I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I know that narcissists are psychopaths, by definition. They covet to ruin their victim’s lives, usually by making them appear crazy, among other things. But all of that is in a past blog, and not exactly what today’s is about. Narcissists are hypocrites. They will say awful things about your friends and family, but are the complete opposite to their face. They go out of their way to appear helpful, fun, and simply like a part of the family. Once they’re in, they stay there and make it a hobby, so to speak, to stay in everyone’s good graces just in case the inevitable happens and you leave. That makes it much easier for them to trash you and ruin you… because they’ve made themselves look like the better person. Be mindful of this if you’re choosing to leave.

They simply have an image to uphold, so they have to make everyone think they are good people. When the day comes and you leave, none of them will believe a word you say. It must be exhausting to fake emotion, kindness, and compassion for an entire lifetime. All that we can hope for is karma, and that it really does exist…

The second part of this blog will discuss a narcissist who previously endured abuse. Does it still make them a narcissist by definition? Well, why wouldn’t it. If it walks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck… I know for Sly, his mother is a toxic person. I don’t believe she is a narcissist, but she does have narcissistic tendencies. And she has that “fake niceness” about her that apparently only certain people can see through. But, boy will she stab you in the back, and defame your character to everyone she knows, and then lie to your face about it. She came from little and tells everyone she was poor… to what truth that holds, I’m not sure. But, she did go to school and has several degrees. Having a college education does not make you an upstanding citizen. She has always controlled Sly, and his siblings, and even her husband. I’ve witnessed it several times. Among Sly’s siblings, they all show some sort of emotional or mental diseases or disorders. It is not my business to get into what I know about them… But I will say that the conditions they suffer with, ranging from alcohol and drug addiction, to being bi-polar and manic depressive are symptoms of trauma. I don’t know all of the details of their childhood, but I know enough that they all lived through some sort of traumatic childhood.

Sly, nor his siblings, healed properly. When you’re a victim of a trauma, you have to heal. The first step is to seek counseling.

Also, just because a narcissist was a victim of trauma themselves and did not heal properly, it doesn’t mean that their abuse should be excused. It is still abuse