Narcissistic Abuse Survival

This post is going to deviate a little bit from my other posts thus far. As a victim of narcissistic abuse there are a number of emotional and physical things our bodies and minds go through as we embark on the healing process. The time abused by a narcissist varies and every situation is different, but nonetheless every situation is traumatic and every victim needs to take time to heal. I know I’ve written before about when you’re exiting for a relationship with a narcissist, you don’t stop to think about what you just went through and most times we don’t know everything we just endured until it manifests inside of us and starts showing outwardly. Once you recognize it, come to terms with the fact that you’ve been a victim of trauma, it is then that you can start healing.

A narcissist will change you, and they will take your identity. They steal from you. They make you question everything about your existence and everything about yourself and what you once were. They make you believe what they want you to believe. They rob you of your time, joy, reputation, assets, friends, family, trust, self-worth, and your faith in humanity. You’ll lose your voice, your self-esteem, you’ll forget who you once were, and you’ll lose sight of yourself.

A narcissist will teach you that you are not important. They will enslave you to meet their needs. You’ll be stripped of everything important to you, and you’ll be taught that you must do for them and everyone else. You no longer get to take care of yourself…you must take care of them. You’re not allowed to be “you” anymore. You can’t enjoy the same things you once did, and you’re not allowed to enjoy the things you once did. You are made to think that you don’t matter, and you are not allowed to be happy. You forget all of the good things about yourself.

Narcissists will trick you into believing what they want you to believe. You’ll start to believe you are the inferior one, and the one that is at fault for everything bad that happens. You’re worthless, you don’t matter, you’re crazy, you’re a liar, and they portray you as exactly what they are. But, the thing is, you believe it. They are psychopaths, and they manipulate you for so long that you start to believe every single thing they say.

Once you realize all of this, and you find the strength to get out is the first step in breaking the chains and finding your freedom. Although, finding freedom is a battle in itself, and I never said it would be easy. I’m healing over four years later… and probably will be for the rest of my days.

After I started the healing process, I learned that I was definitely not the person I once was, and I know I’ve stated that several times throughout my posts here. I sometimes feel as though I’ve gone through battle and I’ll never be that same person I was, nor does it suit me anymore. Over the past few years I have found bits and pieces of that innocent person, but my focus now is to use those bits and pieces to make myself an even better version.

There’s an ugly part of the healing process, and I’d like to think I’m past most of it. The ugly part, mostly, is realization. There are so many moments that you look back and say to yourself “Oh my God, how did I not see that?!”. You’ll start to realize that how you respond to situations are actions based on trauma responses. You’ll cry, you’ll get mad, you’ll want to kill the narcissist. The anger, the sadness and the loss are the worst parts of healing. It’s similar to loss and that grieving process, but much more intense… at least I think so. You will hit rock bottom. You’ll think there is no way back up. You know how people say that their children saved them? You will undoubtedly understand that to the fullest extent possible. I’ll say it now… If it weren’t for Chloe, I don’t think I’d be sitting here. You completely lose your will to even go one more day. You’ll get upset at those close to you and you’ll compare their actions and words with those of the narcissist. You’ll involuntarily almost end relationships because your trauma response is fight or flight, and you “know” they’re doing the same thing to you the narcissist did. You’ll eventually see it and acknowledge it.

Once you get past the ugly part, you’ll start to remember the good things in life… those things that you once loved or that made you happy. I saw a reel on social media yesterday that mentioned when “you get your weird back” as a young woman danced around to the milkshake song eating ice cream out of the container. That resonated inside of me, and it depicts so much emotionally. Its one of those things that if you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, and you’re healing, you know exactly what I mean. I think that was really the reason for this post in the first place. Over the past six to eight months or so I find silliness in the simple things, like I used to. I have remembered little things that make me happy. I don’t get agitated or as angry as I have over the past few years, and I don’t argue and fight with Jake. I enjoy listening to the radio and singing along again. Dancing around the house with Chloe with the radio full blast and laughing is one of the most joyous things. You’ll start to love helping people again, and just giving. You’ll get that feeling inside that is simply joy…that you were able to make someone feel good or make their life a little better.

Do something to give your life purpose again. You are here for a reason, and you’re a survivor. Do what makes you happy. You are deserving of the MOST happiness of anyone, and don’t forget it.

Healing is an amazing thing, and it does take a lot of work.

Do the things that make you happy. Don’t second guess your worthiness…you will ALWAYS be worth it. You are allowed to have fun and you are allowed to receive love.

The most important thing I can say is to allow yourself… Allow yourself time, patience, to grieve, to be angry, to get through the ugly. Be good to yourself and know that you are worth every bit of goodness. You are worthy of love. You will lose a lot, but don’t think of it as losses. You’re gaining more space in your heart for those that are worthy of YOUR love and time. YOU are the only person that is in control of you and your own happiness.