Narcissistic Abuse Survival

I’m going to take a moment and write about that “a-ha” moment when you’re sitting there feeling like you’re losing your mind, and you realize you are in fact dealing with a narcissist.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you often don’t realize it until it’s either too late, or you leave. Truth be told, I did not have a clue what I really dealt with, or what I was about to endure until a couple of months after I left him. I knew it was not an ideal situation, but I was also the victim of verbal, emotional and mental abuse, so I was being taught (so to speak) to believe it was me. You’re living in a world where you believe you are the person who has wreaked havoc and caused all of the chaos, because it is what has been drilled into your head for years.

In early 2020, after everything started to get worse, is when I had that moment. It is a feeling of doom and relief all in one. It also makes you feel like the dumbest person on the planet.

I was at work one day and I found myself searching for ways to co-parent with a difficult person. All of a sudden quite a few things came up about co-parenting with a narcissist. What?! What was a narcissist… really. Sure we all hear the term, but I never had a reason to research it before. I found myself deep into research on this term, and what it meant. I read things on narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder and all other things narcissist.

As I sat there that day, reading and researching, it made me think of all of those things that had been said and done for so many years. A sense of understanding, and a bit of relief came over me because now it was making sense. At the same time I felt doom and an inner ache that just left me feeling so empty and broken. There was a whirlwind of memories and flashbacks going through my head as I read lists upon lists of things a person with narcissistic personality disorder presents.

I also felt an unbearable amount of stupidity… How in the world could I have not seen through all of that? And “all of that” will be another post all in its own.

Worry also consumed me… not for myself, but for my daughter. The more I read that day, the more I worried. I now know what I went through, and she doesn’t deserve any of the same things. Not that I deserved them, but my job is to protect her as my child.

Little did I know that months and now years later, those same worries and concerns are still present, and with good reason.

This isn’t a huge part of this story, but it is something I remember feeling. I also feel that it is important to recognize that moment because it is a point in your life where you can begin to start to learn to detach from the narcissist.

There was a HUGE learning curve for me, and I am still learning how to deal with him. But, that’s another post all in itself.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist… think back on your a-ha moment. Reflect. Write. Talk about it. Feel free to leave a comment…