Narcissistic Abuse Survival

I have a story to tell, and every story has a beginning. My story began in the spring of 2008, on my brother’s wedding day in March. After the ceremony, I remember standing outside the building where the reception was being held. There were two guys standing outside near me, one of them which I would end up marrying.

Truth be told, I was young and there were no such things as Red Flags at that point in my life.

My dad referred to those two guys as the “wedding crashers” because they stayed primarily to themselves and refrained from socializing too much with anyone, but stood at the bar for the majority of the night. No one seemed to know where they came from, or why they were at the wedding. Come to find out, they worked in the same building and for the same people as my brother. At one point as the night was nearing the end I stood outside with my oldest nephew, and one of those two guys asked me what my plans were for the evening. Not thinking anything really of it, I stated that I was going to Obrien’s with a friend. He said “maybe I’ll see you there”. And he did….

Unbeknownst to me, that night was the first night of many years of turmoil and abuse. Sure, it didn’t happen right away, or all at once, but it did happen. Unfortunately, I had no idea what to look for, or how to see past the act. Again, I had no idea what to look for in a person, or what a Red Flag even was. I had never been married before, and any relationship that I had been in was completely disastrous for varying reasons.

For writing (and legal) purposes, we shall call this guy Sly Mee. Without completely boring you with details I am going to refrain from telling you every detail, because that is not what this story blog is about. We just have to get past the beginning crap for the real storyline…

Good ol’ Sly knew how to win a person over. He was always polite, funny, talkative, and always had an interest in the things I did. No one had a negative thing to say about him, and everyone seemed to like him. He immediately took an interest in the things I did, so much so that he even joined the steel tip dart league I was on and almost instantly became one of the best players on the league. Less than three months after we met, he bought me a plane ticket to Ohio to meet his family during his sister’s wedding festivities. Everything was great, and I was thinking that it was the start of a great relationship.

We had a lot of conversations, most with him asking things about me… my thoughts, what I liked to do, and all about my family and friends. On several occasions he would say to me “I’m an asshole, and I’m not good at doing this dating thing”. I never saw that, at least not in the beginning, because he made time for me and we would go do things, albeit most times it was to the bar. I would realize years later that he was learning about me, reading me so to speak. I divulged every single thing about myself to him… all of the good things, as well as the bad. I trusted him, and it was easy to do.

I was always an empathetic and caring person. Doing things for others was something that I enjoyed. I also had hobbies and things that I like to do, such as darts, going to the beach, photography, going to school and spending time with my family and friends. I was a happy person, and I enjoyed life. Not much upset me and I was probably naïve about most things in life. Looking forward to things like vacations and trips, and being excited for an upcoming concert was part of who I was. I do remember those feelings, and I remember that person I once was.

Remembering back to 2008, there wasn’t much that I learned about him or his interests aside from the music he liked, the fact that he liked to drink, and what his favorite football team was.

2008 wasn’t a bad year, but hind sight is twenty twenty. It wasn’t until 2009 that things took a somewhat unexpected turn, and some of us don’t ever learn our lessons until we are completely ruined.